Years ago, in what feels like many lifetimes ago, I worked for an airline. I travelled the world and loved the thrill of adventure. I enjoyed travelling, discovering new places and staying in hotels. I walked around Belfast and witnessed cars being torn apart by police, I sat on a bus while it was surrounded by machine guns and I worked on an airplane while the engine was on fire. But that was the old Ann. Ann before her roommates (and also 5 friends) were killed in a plane crash. Ann before she became a parent and a chronic worrier.
After D died, I wondered how I was ever going to enjoy life again. I wondered if I would ever be confident enough to do anything without him saying…. “everything is going to be ok.” He was always my rock and helped me work through my irrational fears.
Last month, after over 2 years of wondering if I would EVER feel that sense of adventure again, I decided to travel to Toronto for the night. I really wanted to go away and decided to go alone. Why not…..I am a grown woman and I can take care of myself in the city. Pieces of the old Ann was chipping through!
A friend seemed shocked when I told her that I was going to travel alone and asked me how I was going to plan my trip on short notice. She was surprised when I told her how easy it was to book my trip. I went online to the Via site and booked a ticket in 2 minutes. I decided to treat myself to a seat in Business Class because….why not! This was going to be a KickAss adventure so why not indulge.
Next, I contacted the Marriott Hotel and explained the idea behind my KickAss Adventure and they kindly offered me a media rate. I was THRILLED when they offered me a deal at the Marriott in Yorkville as I used to live at Yonge and Bloor in a building very close to the hotel. This adventure was going to be so fun and a trip down memory lane.
I have a few friends in Toronto so I decided to let them know that I was coming to town and perhaps we could get together for a coffee. I was giddy with excitement. I was going to visit a city that I love and is full of happy memories but most of all, I was starting to feel like myself again.
I chose to take the early morning train to Toronto so I could have the entire day to spend rediscovering my old home. The train ride was relaxing. I enjoyed the quiet time and felt relaxed and rested when I arrived in the city. My friends met me at the train station and treated me to a delicious lunch on the Danforth. I love Greek food!
After lunch, my friends dropped me off at the hotel. From the moment I entered the hotel, I felt comfortable and did not feel any unease about going to a hotel alone. The lobby was decorated in a warm and inviting décor and there were people walking around. There were groups of people checking in for a wedding. You could feel a buzz in the lobby, people were happy and excitement was in the air.
The clerk at the front desk was very kind and upgraded me to a suite when I checked in. I grinned and said thank you. My KickAss Adventure was perfect! I went up to my room and felt like a kid at Christmas. There was a plate with chocolate and fruit waiting for me. After eating the treats and checking out my spacious and gorgeous suite, it was time to go explore Yorkville. I was so excited. So many happy memories.
I spent hours walking around Yonge and Bloor. I went to the apartment building that D and I lived in. It was our first home together and where he proposed to me in Jan 1994. I went shopping and bought some trinkets to signify my visit. At one point, I stopped walking, looked up at the sky and felt an incredible sense of peace and calm. It was a turning point in my life journey, it was a pivotal moment for me….one I will never forget.
It is hard to put into words what I felt at that moment except to say that I knew it was time to start living my life again. It was ok for me to be happy and feel energized about the future. It was ok for me to start thinking about me, my future and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
I started smiling and giggling…I did not care what people thought as they walked by me. I deserved this “aha” moment. They had no idea what I went through to get to that moment of smiling and giggling.
After a wonderful afternoon of shopping and sightseeing, I had a spring in my step. I went back to the hotel feeling so happy and content that I decided to treat myself to room service. I ordered a B-52 Specialty Coffee and a salad. I must admit, I really enjoyed treating myself to room service. A perfect additional to my KickAss Adventure.
I am not a photographer as you can see in the photos below but I wanted to share!
I spent the evening watching a Sens game and chatting with a dear friend. After my friend left, I smiled and said out loud….. You’ve come a long way Ann and I am so proud.” Then I jumped on the king size bed like a kid 🙂
The next morning. I got up and decided to walk around Yorkville one more time before my train back to Ottawa. Once again, I walked by our old apartment. I paused for a moment and then continued on and walked for a couple hours before heading to Union. I even took the subway for old times sake. I love taking the subway….
I share this story in hopes to let people know that there is life after loss, there is life after feeling like you can’t go on. If I can get to a point of happiness, anyone can. If I can have an aha moment that changed my life, you can as well.
Ann
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Brandy says
Ann, I love that you are taking your life back! You truly are an inspiration to others 😉
Ann says
Thank you so much for saying that Brandy. It has been a long and tough journey but the time is right! Thank you for reading.
Dani @ lifeovereasy says
Good for you Ann for taking that trip. I took a trip alone too when I was younger and at a real low point in my life. It was a longer trip, but it was what I really needed at the time. I hope you continue your kickass adventures!
Ann says
Thank you Dani. Yes, I plan on going on many more adventures!
@LaCuisineHelene says
I know how hard it is to talk about this, when I was in the military, my mom woke me up one morning to tell me that my boyfriend was dead. It took me 2 yrs to recover and even now if I am happily married, I will never forget. I told my friends that the hardest was that I did not had the chance to say goodbye. I have great memories but that does not replace the person. Those 2 yrs were a bit of a nightmare for me but I survived. Sharing your story and talking about it is part of the healing. As for travelling alone, I do it a lot and love it. I think more woman should do it. I even went to Asia alone and part of the trip my son came to meet me because he was studying in Hong Kong. You should continue to take time for yourself and travel.
Ann says
Thank you for sharing your story Helene. I am so sorry for your loss. I agree, one of the hardest thing is that I did not have a chance to say goodbye. You share all aspects of your life with someone and then they are gone…..so many things left unsaid.
Tweepwife says
This post has filled me with happy. Thanks for taking us on your KickAss adventure. You are a brave and determined woman. I’m sure D is beaming with pride.
Ann says
Thank you Mary. I think D is very proud of me. It has been a tough road but I am happy again.
Jennifer (momvstheboys) says
this is beautiful and amazing! I am so happy for you! You did it! I can just see you jumping on that bed right now!!! May that feeling stay strong for years to come!
Ann says
It was a very comfy bed 🙂 Thanks for reading.
karengreeners says
Love this post. I haven’t suffered a loss like you have, but I used to travel on my own for work, and remember the exhilaration/fear/pride of navigating a place by myself. It’s very liberating, and I still love stealing away on my own whenever I can. Kudos to you.
Ann says
Thank you for reading. I enjoyed travelling on my own and will definitely do it again. You are right….it is very liberating.
Fariha says
I love this post and I am SO happy for you Ann. Thank you for taking the time to share your personal aha moment. It’s an inspiration for others who might be experiencing their own dark moments.
Ann says
Thank you for reading my post. I hope that by sharing my story I can help anyone else through their dark moments. xo
Michele says
Congratulations Ann. It’s been quite the journey, no doubt, to get to where you are today. You have so many more adventures ahead. Looking forward to hearing more about them!
Ann says
I look forward to going on more adventures and learning more about myself. Thank you so much for reading my post.
The Animated Woman says
Great post Ann…I’m glad you shared your ‘aha’ moment. It looks like the Marriott is also a wonderful place to treat oneself.
Ann says
Yes, the Marriott was a fantastic place to treat myself. I had a great weekend.
Sarah Robinson says
YOU are KickAss my friend! Isn’t it amazing what can happen when we open our heart & mind to things? Can’t wait to go on an adventure with you.
Ann says
Thank you xo. I would love to go on an adventure with you! Blissdom, Blogher?? You name it 🙂
Julia Gabriel says
I am so thrilled that you had an A-Ha moment. Onward and upward to new adventures and discovering a whole new you.
Ann says
Thank you so much Julia. I am excited to go on new adventures and learn more about the new me.
Brandy says
I love, LOVE, love this! Good for you Ann! So proud of you and I know D would be too. I am so happy you are finding your way back to yourself and living a happy life.
I really enjoy travelling alone and have done it off and on since 1999. Lately, it has gotten a heck of a lot easier for me too. It is a great time to be with your own thoughts and do what truly makes you happy.
And room service is definitely a nice treat! I kind of like being served. hehe!
Ann says
Thank you for reading Brandy. Yes, room service is a nice treat. Thank you for your kind words. It means so much to me.
Alex says
Ann, I’m so amazed by your strength and courage. And I’m so happy to hear about this adventure, and how filled with hope and light you are. You truly do kick ass, my friend. <3
Ann says
Thank you so much Alex. It has been a long and tough journey. I am so happy to feel hope again.
mara says
This is a really amazing post. I feel your zest for life coming back, and it’s extraordinary how you’re taking owndership of your transformation and wanting to help others. I look up to you.
Ann says
Mara, thank you so much. You have always been a wonderful supporter and I really appreciate it.
Pam Dillon says
Wonderful to read this, Ann. So glad you took that special trip and wishing you many more kickass adventures. : )
Ann says
Thank you Pam!
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
That is awesome that you were able to get on with life and go on this fun adventure 🙂
Shauna says
Oh how awesome. I have always wanted to just up and go, but never did and now with a huge family it is not so easy. I am so happy to follow along your journey.
Vera Sweeney says
This sounds like an amazing adventure!!! Thank you for sharing your story!!
Vera Sweeney recently posted…How To Decorate Easy Easter Cupcakes With Kids
Liz Mays says
Woo! What an awesome adventure! I can only imagine how refreshing it must have felt to do this!!!
Liz Mays recently posted…Mardi Gras Universal Studios Orlando
Aubrey says
Sounds like you had an awesome trip and adventure. Very inspirational story.
Chelley @ AisForAdelaide says
This is inspiring me. I am not at an age (with my kids) that I can take a trip alone, but it is on my bucket list.
Chelley @ AisForAdelaide recently posted…Spring Microfashion at Carter’s
Lisa B says
This sounds like it was just what you needed. I think D was smiling with you. You deserve to be happy. It must have been so fun to walk around the old neighborhood.
Kristin Wheeler says
Toronto is a great city! Glad you had fun! I love when I get ME time! This looked amazing!
Autumn @Mamachallenge says
This is really amazing! Thank you so much for sharing!
Debi says
It sounds like a really great time. Everyone should get treated with room service from time to time.
Debi recently posted…What you should always make time for